Hmm... Well, on the 8th I started a journal entry...but I didn't quite finish it... I think I'll just scrap it...

I'm not sure if I've stated my situation before, so I'll go through it again. I always thought I wanted to go into computer science, even though I sucked at math. So when I applied to get in my university's CSci program, they put me in General College instead. GC is a non-degree granting college for "talented" students who did not meet all of the requirements. The idea is is that you make up what you need, and then transfer to a degree granting college. At registration I didn't know what I wanted to do, so I stayed in GC for the time being. Right now I'm seriously considering Graphic Design, so I guess I'll have to bear with GC until next year.

But anyways, pretty much everyone here is stupid. It's a college for people who were pot heads in high school and want a second chance. I sure as fuck don't fit in, and all my classes are old news. But, I'm going to try not to dwell on that. I'll prove I don't belong in GC by kicking the fuck out of those classes and getting As.

Making friends sucks ass. I really envy the people who thrive on making new friends. I can't do it... I just can't start a conversation without some pre-existing catalyst... That's why I'm gonna go to the activities fair this week...join the anime club or something. I suppose the main reason why socialising is so hard for me is because I'm deaf in one ear. When I was in the first grade, I had some kind of severe ear infection that destroyed the nerves in my right ear, leaving with 95% or so hearing loss in that ear. It bugs the fuck out of me when people think that it's funny when they stand to my right and say, "Can ya hear me? Can ya hear me?" Sure I can you dumb fuck! You don' think sound wont travel to my other ear? It's not like I can't hear ANYTHING to my right! If you want to know what it's like to be me, just stick a cottonball in your ear real nice and tight. You may hear, but you wont understand anything. So whenever I'm in social situations (party, date, pretty much anything involving people) I can't hear people! Even people who know of my hearing loss get irratated when I keep saying, "What? Huh?" It gets to the point where it's just easier for me to avoid those situations entirely... But maybe if I join a club or two it'll be easier.

Hmm...Braveheart is on NBC tonight. Man, I love that movie. That movie really sparked my interest in my Scottish ancestry. I have since joined Clan Donald USA, and I love it. I wish more white people would be more interested in their ancestry. It seems like black, asian, hispanic, and other minorities living in the US have much more interest and pride in their background. While I'm more interested in my Scottish background, and seek out information about my Norweigan and Slavik history, too. My grandmother actually found the owners of the house that her great-grandfather grew up in (in Norway). It's now some kind of manor, and the new owners gave her a picture of it. When she got that, something special happened...and I knew then that it was important that we knew who preceded us.

Man, my grandmother is getting old. She can't remember what happened to her yesterday, but she'll tell you what happened exactly 50 years ago. I should sit down with her and record her stories. Our history books can't get the human perspective... Without human accounts of the past, we begin to lose a clear picture of what life was like back then. She may not have first hand accounts of 'important' events...but the little things count too... Man, if I had time, I'd so do that... She'd love it, just talking about her past.

In any case, I wish I was seen as something more than just 'white.'