I'm going to tell you a dark secret of mine. A secret so hideous that should anyone find out, I will be deported! Banished from the earth! I will be forced to sort socks in that laundry room in the sky! Yes folks, I drink diet soda! [Note, I'd normally say 'pop', but since that's not the popular vernacular in most parts of the country...] I'm sick of the reactions I get when I say I drink diet. They act like I just told them I like to fuck one-eyed monkeys on the weekends. I'm fucking sorry if there's something wrong with me because I drink diet, I can't help it. I've always drank diet--it's all my family ever bought. Regular just tastes like shit, it makes me more thirsty than anything, really. I figure it's just a matter of being used to a particular taste. People who like regular say the same thing about diet. But in any case, why the fuck can't people just shut the fuck up and let me drink what I want? Is my choice of a diet beverage worth giving me a dirty look? I'm so sick of it.
Ah, that felt a little better...a little. In a little less than two weeks I get to see one of my favorite bands live; They Might Be Giants. TMBG is second only to RUSH, in my book. So I have something to look forward to, at least.
Man, I just bought a book of poems...how unlike me. I read some E.E. Cummings in my US literature class, and I absolutely loved it. Of course I only bought the cheap $8 100 selected poems, and not the $30 complete collection. His poetry has really inspired me.
I wish I wasn't afraid to be an individual. I'm a real non-conformist, as I've stated before. But it's a real fear of mine to be noticed. I don't want to stand out (on the outside, that is); I want to fade into the background. Ever since I was little I had the fantasy of being invisible. I'd rather observe life than participate in it. I suppose that sounds really sad and pathetic, but I can't help the way I feel.
The problem is, so far I'm doing a damn good job of it. I don't like it... But is that because I feel that I'm supposed to be all happy and social? Maybe. But I just don't feel that there's anyone (male or female) that could possible understand me... If I have to hide who I am just have relashionships with pepole, why bother? But there has to be someone out there, and I'll likely miss them because of my reclusiveness (god, I hate that word...that's what they always say about the latest serial killer of the month).