Fuck. It's 11:45pm, I have tons of homework, but I must do an entry. I don't know why I just haven't had the desire all month. Sooo, I have lots to 'report'.

My birthday was last week. I am now 19 years old. My birthday involved an annoying amount of ICQ cards, and lots of depressing thoughts on my part that I don't get into here.

I dyed my hair green. Yes, I did it. When everyone asks me 'why?' I say because it seemed fun. Well, deep inside I know it's more like a pathetic cry for attention. I simply cannot start conversations with strangers, I need a catalyst to spark a conversation. It's also a way to prevent me from simply fading into the background. I don't regret it, and I plan on doing even more whackier stuff with it when the dye fades.

Now for the obligatory rant. I love my fucked up taste in women. Every few weeks I get into an argument about why so-and-so isn't hot. They'll say, "Celebrity X is so hot!" When I say she isn't, he'll look at me and say, "How can you say that? What, do you like fat chicks or something?" Then I'll say that she's a generic bimbo and that there's nothing unique about her. Yes, you heard me. Unique. Different. Out of the ordinary. I always fixate on little details about women. A cute half-smile, an interesting style, something that makes them different from everyone else. That drives me wild. I have been very attracted to girls who were what most people would consider overweight. I don't really consider it a factor, really. And it's not because I'm fat. It's all in the little details. I think that's why I like e.e. cummings' (it seems to be standard to type his name in lowercase...) poetry. I totally understand he's appreciation of the unique and original.

By the way, there are a few celebs I find really attractive, like Ashley Judd and Natalie Portman.

Now, children, lets connect this with My So Called Sex-Life. There are two girls whom I am very interested in getting to know better. I know that they have interesting personalities simply because they're in the University's atheist org. Okay, I don't know, but just the fact that they're active in a student group that involves thought and intelligent communication makes me interested.

Now, subject A (I think her name is Jenna, or Joana, or something like that), why is she attractive (physically, at least)? She caught my eye the instant I saw her enter the room. She had a very short (but feminen) haircut, I guess the color could be described as auburn. Unfortunately my descriptive writing capabilities suck, so I cannot describe her facial features well. Which is too bad because that's always the most important thing. Yes, I know that's trite and cliche, but it's true. The face is where that quirky/uniqueness usually lies. And she has it, but it's nothing specific that I can point out. If I wasn't interested in her before, the second time I saw her clynched it. She was wearing cute glasses (the kind that make you look smart, heh), and a skirt. Now I don't have anything against girls who like to wear t-shirt and jeans, but I love it when I girl wears a skirt of her own free will at least sometimes. If she was wearing pantyhose, I probably would've went nuts (I admit to having a pantyhose fetish... There are worse fetishes, afterall...).

The second girl (subj B, I guess) seems really interesting too. I first saw her in a crowd that an extremist Christian had gathered. She fought him tooth and nail (verbally, of course). She was very intelligent, and wasn't afraid of the man's attempts to physically intimidate her (he was huge, and frequently took threating steps towards his 'audience'). When he couldn't think of an intelligent (hah!) response to something she said, he just said that she was the devil disguised as a beautiful woman, that she was a heathen and a number of other insults that I cannot recall. But she was unphased and unrelenting. She had that certain something in her face that drew me to her. Physically speaking she was fairly short with short dark/black hair. [I bet you ladies are depressed that the only man who really doesn't put much stock in a girl's physical qualities is a ugly fat fuck. Well, tough shit I guess.] I saw her again that night at the atheist's social meeting. I actually didn't recognize her at first because she had changed her clothes. She was now wearing a skirt (with pantyhose, no less). I got the impression that she had to wear it for some other occasion, because it seemed to business-like for any college student to wear casually. If she thought that the meeting was going to consist of uptight straightforward intellectualls I bet she was surprised as hell to see a bunch of rag tag punks!

So how will I persue these lovely ladies? Well, that's the sucky part. I hate the bullshit known as dating. I loathe the animalistic mating ritual called dating. I despise the act of two people acting as someone they're not to appeal to the other person--only to reveal their fucked up selves 6 months later. I'm a fat ugly fucked up dork, and if I can't get anyone by being that, then I'm not getting anyone. So I don't know, whatever. Maybe I'll just admire from afar until these chicks get hooked up or leave, that's pretty much standard procedure now for me. I can only hope they like fat fucked up weirdos.

[Well, when I cut my entries down like this they seem to get depressing... I'll try to write more frequently.]